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Please note that the opinions contained in this article do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Gems Newton Cup Association and its members.  Trevor Zeck is an independent columnist who has contributed this article to the website.  Although an entertaining article, the Gems Newton Cup Association knows that these bums don't have a chance vs. Team Newton. 

Ottawa, Ontario-- With a mere 6 weeks until the opening matches of the 2004 Gems Newton Cup, national correspondents for GNC.com will be filing reports on the teams, players, and personalities that make the GNC the world’s premier golf event.

First up, we take a look at the chances of Club Z, captained by last year’s individual winner Trevor Zeck.

  “With a format change and a decentralization of power from the secretive Newton cabal, the GNC is a whole new ball game – anybody can win this freakin’ thing.” This is the mindset that Club Z captain Trevor Zeck is bringing to GNC 2004. Despite the brand new format, with a team made up of vivacious and steady players alike, Club Z appears to be the pre-tournament favourite amongst most observers in the golf world.  

Player profiles:   

Colin Tough

The steady and deliberate play of the Taxman can be expected to be a dependable anchor for Club Z. Colin brings the same qualities to the golf course that he brings to his job as guardian and sole owner of the Internet: precision and ruthless efficiency. These same qualities have also led to reports that the Taxman has ‘written off’ one of the two girlfriends he maintained for most of the winter and early spring. The strength of Tough’s mental powers were also evidenced during a recent birthday party when the force of his will thwarted the onset of a chubby even whilst being vigorously rubbed by a buxom stripper. Remarkable.

While not a long hitter, the one sometimes known as MegaByte is a gritty competitor in the Corey Pavin mould (back when Pavin had a moustache and was actually good). To this end, Captain Zeck has been maintaining an aggressive lobbying campaign the last few months encouraging the Taxman to grow a moustache of his own. Evidence of the resolute and bullish attitude characteristic of his play, Taxman has refused to grow the ‘stache, much as he refuses to lose on the course. Expect the Taxman to be counted on to offset the sometimes inconsistent play of all Club Z members, including the captain. The Resort Course at Radium features short, birdie-able par 3s – this is where the Taxman does his value accounting. Truly, like death and drunkenness, one of the things that Club Z can count on is the Taxman. 

Patrick Reilly

In contrast to the precision of the Taxman, Reills brings to Club Z the effortless, potentially miraculous, and sometimes erratic, play of a natural born athlete. As at home in a collapsing pocket on the football field as he is over a 4 iron, Reills has consistently been able to deliver. His scintillating four wood setting up an eagle 2 on the par 4 third at Radium last year may have been the shot of the tournament. Not immune to controversy, his thrown pint glass from the Radium Resort patio may well have been the shot of the 2002 event.

His diverse background in the upper echelons of athletics makes Reills a cool performer under pressure, on the course or off. Evidence of Reills’ ability in pressure situations is found in his recent deft handling of a unique and highly engineered European innovation in bra technology, guaranteeing a night of romance for a special lady. With an on course personal style reminiscent of a Fortune 500 executive relaxing at the yacht club, and a penchant for boozing, Reills could be mistaken for a soft competitor. Nothing could be further from the truth, as tens, if not hundreds, of people who got caught with their heads down outside of the Den could tell you. Look for Reills to raise a few eyebrows with another dynamic performance.

Travis Rowden

Though nicknamed Rowdy, Travis delivers a calmness and elegance to Club Z. Newly married, Rowden will be asked by Captain Zeck to bring maturity to a mostly juvenile bunch. At last year’s event the Captain was impressed by Rowdy’s refusal to sink to Zeck’s own sophomoric level in a barroom situation when he insisted against posing as a third basemen for a Cape Cod League baseball team. Such solid decision-making will be an asset to the Club.

A gentle giant in disposition, Rowdy’s upright swing and long takeaway have the potential to deliver golf shots that are anything but gentle. Towering tee shots, and one- to-two club advantages over most players in the field, Rowdey’s on-course power can be an intimidating factor. One can only imagine the possibilities that a pairing of the long hitting Rowdy and the precise Taxman could deliver for Club Z. Rowdy’s thoughtful nature and even keel have most observers seeing Rowden as a future GNC captain, and he will certainly be a valuable asset to strategic discussions for Club Z during the tournament.

Shawn Eltom

Easily the most beautiful man in GNC history, Eltom’s good looks have attracted fans from around the world to the GNC for several years, with chants of “Ellers” echoing throughout the BC pines. And though they arrive for the physical spectacle, they stay for the passion and the heart. Shawn’s play last year was affected by some heavy travel necessitated by professional commitments, but it is that work ethic and dedication to team that make Ellers such a valuable member of Club Z. Having spent time living with both Fitzmartyn and Rowdy, Ellers also brings to Club Z an acute knowledge of the psychology of the team. Captain Zeck will count on Ellers to assess the state of each player’s mental game.

Expect Ellers’ game to be invigorated by the absence from this year’s tournament of Kirby Keks. Despite an extreme difference in physicality, Keks strangely has had Shawn’s number in the past. But don’t look for Shawn to be embarrassed by his record in past tournaments - having been seen nude by a female friend’s mother, and caught in a romantic embrace in a Chevette outside a house party, embarrassment is not in Eltom’s vocabulary. So tough mentally, Shawn is expected to have a dominating tournament.

Bob Fitzmartyn

Bobby brings a solid veteran presence to Club Z. Perhaps more important, Fizzy is a true numbers man, possessing a gifted strategic mind. From his parallel involvement following the markets and in the world of ‘gaming’ Bob has honed his analytical abilities in probability and decision-making while both drunk at night and hungover in the morning – skills which are perfectly deployed in the scattered and sometimes chaotic clubhouse atmosphere both pre- and post-round at the Radium Resort. His sharp tactical mind makes him arguably the most valuable strategist in the GNC’s illustrious history. In short, Fitzmartyn knows how to pick winners.

A new homeowner and co-habitant with his special lady, Bobby will be enlivened by time away from the sometimes monotonous responsibilities that home ownership brings. A hub around which the social activity of the GNC turns, Fizzy has displayed a propensity for getting players off guard through his geniality between rounds, before coldly dispatching them on the course. Anchoring Club Z’s presence in the third flight, the combination of Fitzmartyn’s experience and tactical superiority make him an underrated force.  

Trevor Zeck


Z’s victory in the individual competition in 2003 has resulted in him being appointed as one of four GNC captains for this year’s tournament. Zeck is finally reaping the benefit of long summers at the golf course as a youth, time when others his age were hanging out with girls and doing cool things. His success at the GNC proves that even teenage losers can find their place in the sun.

Despite wallowing in the depths of the federal bureaucracy, Z has not fallen victim to the endemic complacency of his profession. A strict offseason regimen, including an inter-team training session in the California desert with TNT Captain Niles K. has Z in strong position to defend his 2003 crown. Reports from the nation’s capital also have Zeck working hard on his game in the spring, evidence of his commitment to lead his team to victory. Despite these efforts, there are some holes in the Zeck armour. Losses of concentration from talking too much, and a propensity to lose focus on the game while focusing on keeping the Pil cold are obstacles that he will have to overcome if he is to repeat his past GNC success. Fortunately, Zeck was shrewd in the March GNC draft, assembling a team of winners.

This correspondent places Club Z firmly at the top, and the pre-tournament favourite to walk away with the prestigious Gems Newton Cup.

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